The Gods Must Be Crazy
by Xenolord
Summary: Grenth's Daughter and Melandru's Son come for a visit. Abbadon is strangely absent [Sorry Abbadon fans! You know who you are!] Rated M for Language and Grenth, as usual.
1. Prologue

The Gods Must Be Crazy

Prologue

The realm of man is constantly under seige. First, the land of Tyria was assailed by an evil Lich Lord, who's intent was to re-open the fabled Door of Komalie, and release hordes of elemental creatures, called Titans, across the world, burning everything down. Then, in the distant land of Cantha, an evil spirit set loose a plague upon the lands, ravaging them, killing or deforming all who contracted it. Then, as the sun began to set on Elona, an ancient god, banished from the Realm of Divinity, planed to bring an eternal darkness over the land.

With each incarnation of evil, heroes stood from the crowed to claim their place amongst the heroes of old, and drive the evil from their realm. With each new set of heroes, they took and held their place of eternity within the Hall of Heroes, forever remembered. Soon, with evil abiding the light for the time, Tyria, Cantha and Elona were at peace, and trade relations restored. The lands were once more under the careful eye of the Five Gods.

Dwayna. Goddess of Light and Air. She remains vigilent over all who would praise her name, guiding those who would follow the path of the Monk to greatness. Her winged figure gazes over ravaged lands, and blesses those who earn it.

Balthazaar. God of War and Fire. He makes his home in the hearts and minds of soldiers on the battlefield, giving the ones who recognize him divine strength to smite their foes. He is the sole beacon to those who would find their place in the Hall of Heroes through combat.

Lyssa. Goddess of Beauty and Arts. Her many faces show the path of her patron profession, the Mind-Altering Mesmer. Forever entwined in an elegant dance of beauty and fear, Lyssa watches over all things beautiful, and preserves them.

Melandru. Goddess of Earth. Rising from the Earth, the arboreal Melandru rises up to strike at all who would harm the forest, and the land. Her water and healing is a respite for weary travelers who would offer a prayer at Her shrine

And Grenth. God of the Dead, and Ice. His icy grip reaches up from the Realm of the Mists, and claims all spirits as his own. For those who would wish strength from Grenth, must offer a sacrifice of their blood in his name.

"Hey, Dwayna! Who the hell wrote this shit?!"

"Balthazaar did. Why?"

"Because it's wrong, Dwayna! Dead frucking wrong!"

"It's not completely wrong, Grenth."

"Yes! Yes it is! Lyssa isn't the Goddess of Beauty OR the arts! Now, Goddess of PMS and Bi-Polar Syndrome, now THAT I'll believe!"

"Oh, now you're just being bitter."

"I'm not being bitter, I'm being literal! Balthazaar isn't the god of war! Try God-of-sit-on-his-ass-and-watch-the-Hall-of-Heroes-all-fucking-day!"

"Hey! At least I take an interest in the Hall of Heroes, Bone Boy!"

"Don't you dare call me Bone Boy, Lazy Ass!"

"Boys, boys, boys. Stop your bickering. I think it's a nice introduction."

"Well, I'm not doubting that, Mel, but, it's wrong, and completely unrelated to the subject at hand! We're not talking about Tyria here! We're talking about us! Ya know, the Gods!"

"Well, we have to set the backdrop. It's plot development."

"Well it's stupid!"

"Somebody please shut Grenth up! I can't here my Soaps!"

"You and your freakin' Soaps, Lyssa! You're gonna Soap yourself to death one of these days!"

"I actually have to agree with Lyssa, Grenth. Shut the hell up!"

"Hey! You can't tell me what to do! I'm the God of the Freakin' Dead, here! I own you!"

"More like God of Much Bitching."

"OI! Get your ass off that chair and say that to my face, Plate Mail Boy!"

"Meh. Not worth the effort."

"That's what I thought."

"Why are we arguing again?"

"Because. Grenth wants to, Melandru. What more of an excuse do you need?"

"How about a reason."

"It's Grenth."

"Reason accepted."

"You all are against me..."

"You guessed it."

"THAT'S IT! I need to blow something up. Where's my computer?"

"Oh, don't do that. You know how those humans work. You start blowing people up, and they're gonna start a ritual in your name, and you know how I feel when the sink floods with blood."

"Ah, you're just a pussy, Dwayna."

"No, I'm not! I just don't like blood!"

"Exactly. A pussy."

"Oh, come now, Dwayna. Don't let him get to you."

"That's right, Melandru. Hide her from the truth. In your room."

"Oh, shut up, Grenth."

"Right, in case you all haven't caught on yet, the people of Tyria and such would paint such a serious portrait of us. That's solely not the case. We get along pretty well. Few things you should know, though. Balthazaar, all he ever does is bet on the Hall of Heroes all day. Occasionally he wins."

"This is a winner! I can feel it in my bones!"

"Dwayna... well, she's one of the more weirder. Her and Melandru are... ya know... an item. She'd deny it, but I know the truth. Lyssa's a ticking time bomb of emotions, prone to exploding at any given time, for not reason at all."

"What did you say?!"

"See? Anyways, Melandru has this plant fetish thing going, I dunno."

"It's not a fetish! It's a love!"

"Fetish, love, same thing. Anywho. All and all, I'm about as normal as they come."

"Normal? You, normal, Grenth? Is that what they call randomly blowing things up on Tyria, now adays? Normal?"

"Okay, okay, so I like blowing things up a little too much. It's usually just Charr, or Imps... the occasional Gargoyle. I do love killing those Elonian Rain Beetles, though. They make the funniest sounds... Anyways, that's all you really need to know about us right now."

"Grenth! Abbadon's spray painting the side of the house again!"

"God dammit! Come 'ere, you little prick!"

"Not cool, dude, not cool!"

"Abbadon again... I'll get into him again later. Until then, go away and leave me to my blowing up!"


	2. More Introductions

Disclaimer and Author's Note: I don't own shit. As previously stated. Anywho. A few things. You will notice that there will be guest appearances by other gods, IE the Daedra Princes from the Elder Scrolls series. I put it in the Guild Wars section, because it's core Guild Wars.

More Introductions

Staring unceasingly into the television sitting not three feet before him was Balthazaar. On the screen is the play back of a recent Hall of Heroes battle. Comically, a grinning madman that is Grenth slinks up and blocks Balthazaar's view of the television. The God of War simply sat there staring at the back of Grenth's head.

"Hey, buddy!" Grenth begins. "How's the Hall of Heroes this morning?" He asked, staring at the TV.

"I don't know, douche bag. You clearly have a better view of the TV then me. Move your ass!" Despite Balthazaar's complaining, the God of Death doesn't move. Winding up, Balthazaar backhanded his roommate across the back of the head.

"Ohmygodi'vebeenhit!" He shouted falling over.

"The Hentai Army wins a victory in the Hall of Heroes and keeps the favor of the Gods for America."

"God DAMMIT Grenth! I missed the end AGAIN thanks to you! You sonuvabitch!" Balthazaar shouted. Grenth just recovered from his strike and smiled like the Cheshire Cat, giving the thumbs up. A cheesy victory jingle played in the back ground. "And for the love of god, stop that!" Grenth just repeated his victory jingle and smile. "I hate you so much right now."

"And so, Melandru descended upon the living room, and spaketh she: WHADDUP BITCHES?!" Melandru announced, arms outstretched, taking the last three steps of the stairs with a great leap.

"Mornin' hotstuff." Grenth muttered passing her on the way to the kitchen. "Dwayna still snoozin'?" He walked through the portal into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

"Yea. She didn't sleep very well last night." Melandru responded, getting a bagel from the pack.

"NONE of us did, thanks to you two." Balthazaar threw over his shoulder, watching as the Hentai Army fought again. Melandru smiled and let out a little chuckle, a large, obvious sweat drop rolling down her back. Her grin was interrupted with a knock at the door.

"Grenth! Grenth! Grenth! Grenth! Grenth!" Balthazaar shouted to moment he heard the knock.

"Aw... FUCK!" Grenth shouted, walking to the door. "You cheap ass." He grabbed the handle and opened the door. He stared out and shut it again.

"Who was it?" Balthazaar asked. Grenth shrugged.

"Coventina the Matron."

"From the Homeowner's Association?!" He shouted.

"Yep." Grenth answered, walking to the kitchen.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING MAN! YOU'RE KILLING ME!"

"Not really, but I wish." Grenth opened the fridge and took out the milk. Balthazaar ran to the door and threw it open.

"Coventina! Hi! You're have to excuse my... roommate. He's not right in the head." The Mursaat on the other side of the door only cleared her throat.

"Of course. Am I speaking to Mr. Balthazaar, or Mr. Grenth?" Conventina asked in her pompous British Accent.

"Uh... the Douchebag who shut the door was Grenth. I'm Balthazaar. What can I do for you, ma'am." She thrust a letter into his hands. "Whazzis?"

"Please asses the situation brought to our attention by your neighbors, and asses it very quickly. When you are finished, please contact the Homeowners Association and inform us. Thank you for your time." She turned and floated off. When Balthazaar was sure she was gone, he shut the door muttering a very hearty:

"I fucking HATE Mursaat." He opened the letter and looked at it. "Alright, Maggots! Front and center!" He shouted. Everyone lumbered into the living room and either sat down somewhere (Melandru sitting on the lap of a still-half sleeping Dwayna.) or stood. "We just got a letter from the Homeowner's Association. Let's see what it says, then decide who gets to fix it." He tore the letter open. "'Dear Homeowner. It has come to the attention of your neighbors that there is a rather obscene object painted on the side of your house. We do not tolerate such actions, and would have you remove it right away.' Signed Coventine The Matron. That bitch." Grenth finished.

"'Obscene Object'? I wonder if someone finally decided to do that portraite of Grenth." Dwayna smirked between two yawns.

"I wonder if you're ever going to admit your lesbianism!" He rebuttled. Grenth crumpled the letter up and walked to the door. "I'll go have a look." He walked out and shut the door. He came back seconds later. He stood staring at everyone. "There's a great big black penis spray painted on the side of the house." He droned flatly.

"Who could've..."

"I'll give you five guesses. But you'll only need one." Melandru told Lyssa.

"A-B-B-A-D-O-N!" Everyone shouted at the top of their lungs. The door opened and a very smug Abbadon walked in. He was wearing his signature 'Hey! Who turned the lights off!' shirt and hat, and his arms were covered in black paint.

"Ya bellowed, dudes?" He smiled coming into the room.

"Why is there a penis spray painted on the side of our house?" Balthazaar asked very nicely.

"Wouldn't have any idea, dude. Maybe Dwayna's still sufferin' from that penis envy." Dwayna's cheeks flared.

"Okay, douche. Let me put it bluntly. What we all want to know is: Why did you spray paint a penis on the side of the house?" Grenth asked. Abbadon recoiled.

"OH! Wounded! Come on, dude, what makes you think I would do something so low, dude?"

"Yesterday, you blew our mailbox up with a can of baby oil and black powder." Dwayna muttered.

"The day before that, you pressure washed our drive way. But only to carve 'Aliens Land Here' in clean spots." Balthazaar continued.

"You switched Lyssa's panties with my boxers." Grenth droned. "Twice." He continued. "In two hours."

"A week ago, you tried to convince Coventina that we were running a meth lab." Lyssa droned.

"Two weeks ago, when we were all at Disney, you picked the locks on our door, took said door off it's hinges, put the door on upside down, then, to add insult to injury, you put the door handle on backwards." Melandru spoke.

"Three weeks and two days ago, you bug bombed our house." Lyssa blinked. "While were we all asleep."

"Three weeks and three days ago, you made our lawns gnomes have a gay orgy." Balthazaar muttered.

"Three weeks and four days ago, you set up a transceiver that played the chorus to Hardware Store at super-high frequencies, that could only be picked up on dental work. You have no idea how many complaints we got." Dwayna looked about.

"Not to mention the reason you got kicked out of the house anyways." Blathazaar pointed out.

"Yea, dude, but what was that again?"

"Frankly, you're an ass." Grenth put it plainly.

"Okay, dudes, let me put it this way. I can't not say that I didn't not put that penis on the side of the house, dude."

"What?" Grenth asked. "Ya know what? I don't care. Just go fix it?"

"Okay dudes!" Abbadon walked out, and slammed the door shut. Some time passed before he came back in. "Fixed dudes!" Grenth nodded.

"Lemme see." Grenth walked out. Several seconds passed. "GRAH! ABBADON!!!" Grenth ran in. "Abbadon fixed it. He put hair on the balls, and splurge out the head."

"Ya told me to fix it, dudes! Never specified how!"


	3. Neighbors

Author's Note: This shit is just getting weirder and weirder.

The Neighbors

"...So yea, that's about it in a nutshell." Melandru spoke into her phone. She paused. "Oh, yea, like totally. He was all like 'dude!' and I was all like 'puSHAW!' and he was all like 'dude!' and I was all like 'puSHAW!' and he was all like..." Melandru's reenactment of Grenth and Abbadon's fight was interrupted.

"Could you just get to the point, Mel?" Grenth asked. Melandru stared at him with Cheerleader Eyes.

"Psh. WhatEVER!" She pulled her hand up and turned away. "Where was I?" Before Grenth could strangulate Melandru, the doorbell rang.

"BALTHAZAAR! BALTHAZAAR! BALTHAZAAR! BALTHAZAAR! BALTHAZAAR!" Grenth shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Oh, FUCK YOU DEAD BOY!" Balthazaar shouted from the living room. Grenth watched as Balthazaar walked over to the door. Upon opening it, his eyes fell upon a rather attractive woman on the other side. "Uh... well hello. What can I do for you?"

"Hi! We just moved next door!" She smiled.

"Oh, well then, welcome to the neighborhood! Where are you from originally?" Balthazaar was happier now.

"Tamriel. We moved here because we heard about all the nice neighbors."

"Nice being a questionative word, depending on which neighbor you're referring to." He muttered. The woman looked at him. "Well, we've got the token 'Crazy Cat Lady' across the road there. Name's Glint. Only, we like to call her the 'Crazy Dragon Lady', cause she's got about thirty dwarf dragons in her house."

"Are they all named?" The woman asked.

"Oooooooh yes." Balthazaar replied. "We've got the Homeowner's Associaton witch. Goes by the name Coventina the Matron." He looked around, making sure Coventina wouldn't morph outta his perifs. "And finally the soul reason no one likes living here. I won't say his name, because he has this ability to just morph outta nowhere whenever says his name. Like friggin Mitslespitlik." He looked around again.

"Who'sat? Abbadon?" Grenth spoke from behind.

"You called, dudes?" Abbadon asked, jumping from the room.

"FOR THE SAKE OF FUCK GRENTH!"

"Oh... whoops." Grenth looked defeated.

"Anways, I've been rude. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Balthazaar. Tyrian God of Fire and War."

"And God of 'Sit-On-His-Ass-And-Watch-The-Hall-Of-Heros-All-Day'." Grenth muttered.

"Eh, fuck you dead boy." Balthazaar replied. "This is Grenth, God of Ice and Dead. We like to call him Dead Boy." Grenth flicked him off and walked back inside. "Come on in. I'll introduce you to everyone else."

"Aren't ya gonna introduce me, dude?"

"Hadn't planned on it. No."

"I'm Abbadon! Dark God of Secrets, dude." He smiled.

"Yea, right. More like 'Dark God of Paint Pen Fifteen on the Side of the House.'"

"Hey, dude! I only did that once!" The chorus from 'Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto' began playing. All you could hear was 'Secret, Secret! I've got a secret!' coming from Abbadon's pocket. Everyone looked at him. "That's your phone, dude." He spoke to Balthazaar.

"No it's not. My phone has Hammer of Justice as it's ringtone."

"Then it's gotta be Grenth's, dude."

"He's got Master of Puppets."

"Dway-"

"Blinded by the Light."

"Mel-"

"Kissed by a Rose."

"L-"

"Trigger Happy." He read both the new girl and Abbadon's expressions. "Don't ask, I don't know."

"I'm Azura, by the way. Daedra Prince of the Moon and Star."

"Nice to meet you. Come on in." Abbadon turned his back and opened his phone."

"Yea? Yea, hey dude. What? No, no I haven't forgotten dude, I've just been a bit... ya know, busy, dude! Yea. Yea... yea I know. Uh huh. Nightfall! Drench Elona into everlasting despair! Gotcha the first four hundred times, dude! Yea. Yea... Uh huh, I know, dude, trust me, I know... Look, dude! I just can't cause Nightfall at the drop of a hat! I have to wait... prepare! Assume I know what I'm doing dude! What? No, no I'm not brushing you off! No, no I'm not. I'm not brushing you off, I swear! Look, could you just try to have a little faith in me, dude? I'm the God of Secrets! I know how to do this stuff! Listen, I can't buy Black Light filters in too large a quantity, dude. If I do, the dude at the store gets suspicious, dude! Yea, uh huh. Yea. Yea. Yea. Yea. I know. Yea. Yea. Yea. Yea. What? Realm of Whattities? OH! Oh, Realm of Torment! Oh, that's just a hole in the ground where I ripped some major ass. Yea... That's exactly what the sulfurious wastes are. And that's why the yellow stuff kills ya. Huh? Yea. No. Yea. No. Maybe dude. Yea. No. Definetly not. Of course. Uh huh. Yea. Yea. Yea. Nope. No. Uh uh. No. Nopers. No. Trust me! Come on, dude. Where's the faith? Uh huh. Yea. Yea. No. Maybe. Dunno. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh uh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Yea. Yea. I know. Yea. I will. Don't worry. Yea. Yea. Yea. Got ya. Yea. Yea. Uh huh. Yea. Uh uh. No. Got ya. Yea. I know. Yea. Got ya. Uh huh. Yea. Yea. Yea. Yea. Yea. Uh huh. Yup. Yes. Uh huh. No. Can't make any promises, dude. Yea. Uh huh. Okay, I will. You just take care of that Sunspear problem, alright? Uh huh.. What? Oh... uh..." His voice got real soft. "I... I love you too... Yea... yea. Good bye." he hung up.

"Who the fuck was that?" Grenth asked. He had heard the entire conversation. Abbadon closed his phone.

"It was Varesh, dude. Wanted to keep pestering me about Nightfall, dude. Like it's not like I have enough problems as is. Listen, I'd love to stay and ducktape all the crevasses in your house, but I've gotta make an emergency run down to the hardware store and pick up some Allen Wrenchs, Gerbal Feeders... Uh... Toilet Seats and a set of Matching Salt and Peppers Shakers. See ya around, dude!" He turned and walked away.

"That was..." Grenth began.

"Interesting..." Lyssa finished.

"I'll say." Balthazaar began. "He totally missed everything from Electric Heaters to Generators." He smiled and walked back into the house, where Melandru and Dwayna were entertaining their guest.

"So, Grenth starts feeling around on all the trees. And he says 'I got it! We're on Pluto!' and Mel here says 'Well, Grenth, how can you tell?' and he says 'From the BARK you dummies! The BARK!'" Azura was laughing, but Grenth didn't get it.

"When did that happen?" Grenth asked Dwayna. She just brushed him off.

"Hey, do you all wanna come over and meet the rest of my family? You'll love them. Especially Sanquine."

"You four go. I think I'll sit here. I've got a good feeling. I can FEEL that these guys are gonna win this time!" Balthazaar muttered, sitting in his seat, watching the Hall of Heros again.

"Dude. The friggin' Hentai Army has a 256 to 0 winning streak. I don't think FLAK is gonna win this one." Grenth muttered. Balthazaar just blew him off. "Right, whatever. Have fun lazy arse."

-Next Door-

Azura showed everyone over to their new house. It was a large one. Towering well over Dwayna's house by two stories.

"Holy crap! How many bedrooms you got in there?" Grenth whistled when the reached the door.

"Twelve." Azura smiled. She opened the door and showed everyone in. "Guys! Front and center!" She bellowed. Grenth smiled.

"I like her already." From different portions of the house, twelve people arrived and stood in a line.

"Everyone, these are our next door neighbors. Grenth." Grenth waved. "Melandru."

"Hi everyone." Melandru muttered, waving.

"Dwayna." Dwayna nodded at the attention. "Lyssa."

"Hullo."

"And Balthazaar, once we get him over." Azura frowned.

"He's a lazy ass." Grenth explained. Everyone nodded.

"Now, everyone," She was adressing the four neighbors now. "I want you to meet my family. They're a bit dysfunctional, but they're fun nontheless." She started from the left of the line. "This is Peryite. He's our resident Bug Expert."

"Hey. Never met a roach I didn't like." Peryite smiled, waving with huge draconic talons. His appearance was that of a dragon.

"This is Malacath. You're lucky you caught him, actually. He was about to head out to the gym." The large man next to Peryite walked up to Grenth. He spoke with a heavy Austrian accent.

"What is this? You don't work out, do you little man? One day, you and I are going to have to pump..." He clapped his hands together and pointed at Grenth with both hands. "you up!" He left on that note.

"Oh..." Grenth began.

"'Kay..." Dwayna finished.

"Anyways. This is Mephala. We all call her the Webspinner. Have you seen what she can do with silk? She's so handy."

"Yo." The half-spider person spoke.

"And this is Molag Bal." The large man that was standing next to Mephala ran behind Azura, grabbed hold of her top and pulled it off in one yank.

"TERROR AND DISCORD!" He shouted, holding the shirt in the air in victory. He ran out the sliding glass door and stuffed the shirt into the pool filter. "TERROR AND DISCORD!" He shouted again running in. He pulled the bow out of Lyssa's hair and tied it to one of the fan blades, then pulled the cord on the fan three times. The blades began spinning. "TERROR AND DISCORD!" He shouted once more. Finally, he ran into the kitchen, dug his hand into the ice bucket, ran back in and dumped ice down Melandru's back. "TERROR AND DISCORD!" He shouted a final time.

"AUGH! IT'S COLD! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUOUOUOUT!" Melandru shouted, trying to get the ice out of her back.

"Oh god. It's like a more annoying version of Abbadon." Dwayna muttered.

"Ya call me, dudes?" Abbadon asked from behind Melandru, who jumped thirty feet in the air.

"AAAAAUGGGGGGH!" She called, falling to the ground, panting. Abbadon just stood smiling.

"Where in the living shit fucks did you come from?" Grenth asked, looking at him. He held up a bag.

"Hardware store, dude! Had to get me some Allen Wrenches, Gerbal Feeders, Toilet Seats and Matching Salt and Pepper Shakers! Picked me up a nice Generator while I was down there, and I found a nice Trash Compactor to boot! Not to mention Black Lights dude." He put the bags on the floor.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Continuing." Azura muttered. "This is Sanquine the..." She was cut off by the relatively chubby man with no shirt.

"SANQUINE! The Daedric Prince of HARD PARTYING!" He called, flexing. Grenth's eyes lit up.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir." He shook the man's hand.

"Damn, skippy!" Sanguine replied.

"Why do you always do that?" Azura asked, shaking her head.

"It's my thing, it's what I do." Sanguine smiled.

"You know I hate it when you do that."

"Why do you complain when I act up, but not when Molag Bal does?"

"Let me think. You've got a rose. He's got a mace. Who am I gonna let off with?" Azura crossed her arms. Sanguine smiled. "Anyways. Continuing with the introductions. This is Hircine. He's a hunter, I don't know if you can tell."

"During the hunt, you only have yourself to rely on. Your own Speed. Your own Strength. Your own Guile. Nothing else." He muttered to himself. Melandru walked up to him.

"I love you." She muttered, giving him a hug.

"During the hunt, you can only love yourself. Not others. Nothing else." He muttered again. Grenth's eyebrow went up. A small chorus from 'Master of Puppets' began playing.

"Oh, sorry, that's me." Grenth reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. "Yellow." He spoke. "Yea this is Grenth. Oh, heya, Arisen. No, no I've got time. What's up? Uh huh. Yea. Yea. Uh huh. Right. No, I understand. Oh yea, completely. Uh huh. Uh huh. Yea. Yea. Yea. Yea. Uh huh. Right. Right. Uh huh. Yea. Yea. Yea. Yea. Yea. Yea. Yea. Right. Right. Yea. Uh huh. Yea. Yea. I got ya. Yea. Right. Right. Yea, sure. Lemme speak to em." There was a pause. He smiled to Dwayna. He pulled the phone away from his ear and cleared his throat. "Yes, puny mortal! It is I! GRENTH! GOD OF THE DEAD! BOW BEFORE ME!" His voice boomed into the phone. Even that close to his ear, Dwayna could hear someone screaming on the other end. Grenth laughed. His voice went normal. "Ahaha... that never gets old. Oh, yea. No problem, AP. Any time. Right. Yup, I love you too. Buh bye." He closed his phone.

-Tyria.-

Arisen Prophecy flipped the lid on her phone down and ended the call. Stuffing it back into her waistband, she smiled to Alex and Nox. They were staring at her.

"See? Told you I knew the Man. What I tell ya?"

"HAY!" Someone shouted from her side. "CAN I HAVE UR SWORD?!!?!?!" He continued. Arisen sighed and grabbed the hilt of her sword. "UR SO HAWT!" He continued.

"Hey, 'Galstaff'." She spoke, drawing her sword.

"WAT?!" He asked.

"Hey, look! A unicorn!" She pointed to her left. 'Galstaff' looked left.

"WHEREEREE!? WHERE IS IT! I WANT 2 C IT!" Arisen waited until his head was completely turned, drew up her sword and chopped the blade across his legs. "AAAAUGH! UR SO MEEEN! Y U DO TAT?!"

"Fucking noob..." She muttered, resheating her blade.

-Back with the others.-

Grenth laughed as he put his phone away. Dwayna looked down, her face laden with shock.

"What?" Grenth asked.

"Grenth, look at your right hand?" He did as she said.

"AUGH!" He shouted, realizing his middle and index fingers were missing. "Oh, wait. Fucking Dervishes... Don't worry. They'll come back." Dwayna looked at her watch.

"Oh, snap. Tyrian Idol is coming on. Thanks for inviting us over, Azura, but we really must be getting back. If you like, we'll buy you all dinner sometime."

"We'd like that." Azura smiled. Melandru was counting.

"Wait, wait, wait..." She droned. "You said there were... twelve bedrooms, right?" Azura nodded. "But they're thirteen of you?"

"Oh, yea. Well, we can't let Sheogorath sleep alone." She motioned to a man rocking in a corner.

"Why?"

"Last time we let him, he used a bed post to pop the door off it's hinges, then proceeded to eat to door like a saltine cracker." Azura replied. "Before they leave, Bal, you better gimme my shirt back!"


	4. All Work and No Play

Author's Note: No, I have no idea where half of this crap comes from. Don't ask.

Author's Second Note: Yes. Arisen Prophecy is my in-game name. Feel free to PM me if I'm on. No, I do not do the "HAI! KEN I BEE IN the STORIESZZ PLZPLZPLZ?!?!11!?". You talk like that, and your ass is on my ignore list. If you want in this, cool, but ask in English, please. Which means spelling everything out.

Author's Third Note: If anyone from the "Getting High With KOSS" Guild is reading this, sorry, but your Guild Name is just too memorable, and it's the first one to come to mind. Don't sue. I am but a poor fanfiction writer.

All Work and No Play

The door bell rang. I know it's not the most interesting way to start this chapter of the story, but it's how it began. The door bell rang early the following morning. Everyone was still sleeping, so the door went unnoticed for around two minutes before Dwayna had to use the bathroom.

She heard the door bell on the way back and, already mostly awake, went to go answer it, dressed in her night gown. The outside light was blinding to someone who had been sleeping for some time, but it was easily adjusted. She turned the handle and opened it.

"HELLO!" A voice called on the other side. Dwayna was too tired to be surprised. Even with her blurry vision (She wasn't wearing her glasses.) she could tell exactly who it was. The brown hair and brown Radient Shing Jea armor was a dead give away.

"'Mornin' Kouga..." She muttered, rubbing her eyes. "What's up?" She continued.

"Mel said I should bring a pizza this morning, so I did." He showed her the three boxes he was carrying. Dwayna's vision was coming back to her (of course, it was still blurry due to her lack of glasses) and she was starting to wake up fully.

"Yea, alright. Come on in." She motioned him in. "If you'll excuse me, I need to have a shower and get dressed. Just make yourself at home." She shut the door and went upstairs. Almost like clockwork, the moment Dwayna went upstairs Melandru came downstairs. She saw Kouga put the pizza's on the table.

"KOUGA!" She shouted running down the stairs and glomping him.

"AUGH!" He called. "DWAYNA!" He chocked out. "You're girlfriend's attacking me! Assault! Assault!"

"Melandru! Be nice!" Dwayna called from upstairs. Melandru let off and just kept nuzzling Kouga.

"I wub ruu..." She muttered, nuzzling him constantly.

"Oh you... I love you too. Now, please get off me..." He muttered, trying to pry her off his collar.

"No!" She replied, still smiling. Kouga's eyes narrowed as he finally decided to just deal with her. She'll get tired eventually. He hoped.

From the depths of his room, Kouga watched Grenth morph out of the door and ooze down the stairs. He reformed himself at the bottom and cracked his neck. His eyes were large and very baggy.

"Dude. What the hell happened to you?!" Dwayna asked as Grenth took Balthazaar's rightful spot in his chair.

"I wazzup all night... keepin' the greenery gyrating... Ten'n'nahalf hours..." He muttered, rubbing his face, trying to wake up. Melandru looked at him with disgust.

"Ya know, if you wouldn't do that kinda shit, you wouldn't be in such a ripe mood every day." Grenth just flashed her his ring finger then turned the television on.

"Fu ckoff, Tree Lady." He muttered.

"That's a new low. Even for Grenth." Kouga noticed. Melandru nodded. She turned her attention back to him.

"So. How's my favorite son doing?"

"Aw, come on, mom. I'm your only son." He muttered, rubbing the back of his head.

"Whazzis?" She asked, poking the bow on his back.

"Ah. That. Funny story behind that. See, there was this guy. Takin' the midnight train to Azeroth. So, Arisen Prophecy and paid the Xunlai lady to get access to his bank account. We split the money, the crafting materials, and I got the bow. Erizen went ballistic on the sword he had in there, and she got the Chibified Varesh in the box. It was fun stuff. This is my Sundering Stormbow of Fortitude. It's all prettiful." He finished. Melandru touched it.

"Ooh... prettiful."

"Will yea'll keep it down'n there? I'm tryin' ta watch the homshappin.. homshappin... the buy stuff show..." Grenth muttered.

"The Home Shopping Network?" Kouga asked. The door bell rang again.

"Therea go." Grenth replied. Melandru walked to the door and opened it. On the other side was a pale white woman dressed head to toe in what appeared to be armor of Elonian design.

"Uh... hello?" Melandru asked. The woman smiled and waved, a sword sheathed at her side. Her hair was as white as her skin. Her pale blue eyes were a fair compliment to her skin. There was almost no life to her pale lips. Everything about her screamed corpse. "I'm sorry, but we don't do dead girls here."

"Whosatat the door, Melandroo?" Grenth slurred from the living room.

"Dad? Have you been drinking again?" The girl asked. "Can I come in, Aunt Melandru?" Melandru did a double take.

"HOLY! Erizen? That you? Oh my girlfriend, you've grown! Come on in!" She ushered her niece in, then shut the door.

"Heya Erizen." Kouga spoke as his cousin came in, giving a wave, which was returned. The necromancer went right into the front room where her father was seated.

"Hi daddy." She smiled, giving him a hug around the neck from behind.

"Hey... Hey, Grenth. You know the rules. No working girls on my chair." Balthazaar's voice came. He was walking down the stairs, about to oust Grenth from the chair. "So move your working girl butt off my chair." He began swatting Grenth around the shoulder.

"Homshappin Newor..." Grenth muttered, pouring himself into a glass and morphing out of the chair. Balthazaar reclaimed his rightful seat, then turned the channel to the Hall of Heroes.

"The Hentai Army has won a victory in the Hall of Heroes and keeps the favor of the gods for America." The television proudly announced.

"Eh. I didn't miss anything. Who's up next?" Balthazaar asked the TV. As the Television made a round around the challengers, the word 'Getting High With' followed by their guild tag of KOSS Balthazaar chuckled. "Oh, that's too rich."

"So," Grenth began, giving a great yawn. "What brings you back here, honey?" He asked, giving his daughter a kiss.

"Oh. Not much. Got bored of being on Tyria, so I decided to pay my daddy a visit."

"Uh, oh. When you call me daddy, you usually want something..."

"Funny." Melandru muttered. "Dwayna only calls me daddy when she wants something too." She rubbed her chin. Grenth looked at her with a half disgusted, half perverse stare. Erizen raised an eyebrow.

"AUGH!" Kouga shouted. "MOTHER! COME ON! The images! So... so... BAD! IMAGES! SO BAD!" He grabbed his head and shook vigorously. "Ugh... I need The Dew!" He went right to the fridge.

"Mountain Dew what?!" Erizen asked, looking around. "I want one, too!"

"So, tell me. Why did you REALLY drop by, Princess?" Grenth asked. Erizen returned from the kitchen shortly with two cans of Mountain Dew in her hands.

"Oh, not much." She spoke, opening one and drinking from it. "I'm still turnin' heads with my use of the sword. Although, I tell you. If ONE more person asks me;" She cleared her throat. Her voice went really loud and her face went blank "HAAAY! ARR U A MM?!" Her voice returned. "ONE MORE TIME, I'm gonna flay them!" She shook her head and emptied the first can of Dew into her throat. "Why is ninety percent of Tyria illiterate douche bags?" She opened the second.

"Hey, guys. I noticed something." Balthazaar began. Everyone in the room looked at him. "Is it just me, or is it really, REALLY warm in here?"

"Ya know, come to think of it, yea. It is... Like, hot, almost." Grenth walked to the thermostat. "What in the.. NINETY SIX?!" He shouted. He pushed some buttons and brought the temperature back down to the usual seventy three. "Who in the living state of fuck a Elonian Rain Beetle turned the friggin' temperature up to ninety fuckin' six?!"

"No wonder I'm sweating my ass off..." Erizen noted. Even from outside, and through the door, they could hear a very firm shout of:

"TERROR AND DISCORD!"

"ABBADON!" Melandru shouted. Nothing. "Uh... Abbadon?!" The phone rang. Melandru picked up the reciever. "Hello?"

"Hello, dude." The voice of Abbadon began, permeated by a long yawn. "You call me?"

"Yea, kinda. Why did you turn the thermostat up?"

"Wasn't me dude. Can't help you, sorry." Another yawn. "My services are premium, ya know. I don't do the thermostat thing anymore. Too easy to fix. That's Captain Terror and Discord next door. Now, if you'll excuse me, dude, I gotta catch up on my sleep. Sorry I can't talk longer dude." Another yawn followed by a female voice.

"Abby? Who's that?"

"Just the neighbor lady. Nothin' to worry about, dude." The phone clicked off. Melandru just stared forward, the phone pressed to her ear.

"I don't wanna know. I don't wanna know..." She repeated, hanging up.

"ANYWAY, daddy. I was wondering, if you could do me a favor." Erizen muttered after finishing the second Mountain Dew.

"NOW she asks. Alright, sweety. What is it?" He looked at her. She smiled before continuing.

"I kinda... got into a bet with a friend of mine, that my sword was better then his, but by all accounts, they're exactly the same..."

"So you want me to give you something to give you that extra edge over the competition?"

"Exactly!" Erizen smiled.

"Yearlight. Here. Gimme the sword." He held his hand out.

"Thank you daddy!" She unsheathed the sword and gave him the handle. He looked it over, and nodded occasionally.

"Hum. Perfect Sundering Hilt... and a Fortitude Pommel... nice combination. Find these?" Erizen nodded. He returned the nod and smiled. "Right, I think I can do something with this... gimme a sec. I'll be right back." He stood up and walked into his room and shut the door. Erizen sat in his seat and watched her aunt Melandru sit on the couch and repeat 'I don't wanna know...' constantly. There came sounds of ice shattering and electricity came from his room. He reemerged seconds later.

"VIOLA!" He announced, walking up, his hands behind his back. She was jumping with anticipation. "Here you go, honey!" He puled a gunmetal handle with no hand guard out.

"Uh..." She began. "Dad..." She smiled, flicking the little button. "This is a lightsaber... It's pretty much copyrighted..." She smiled. A small sweat drop ran down the back of Grenth's head.

"Oh... uh... hehe... right, sorry about that sweety. Daddy'll fix it." He grabbed the lightsaber and ran back into his room. More electricity and ice sounds. He came back a moment later, his hands behind his back once more. "Okay, try this one!" He produced a sword hilt with no blade again. He handed it to her. She looked it over. "It attaches to your arm to boot. She?" He pressed the hilt to her left forearm, the hilt attaching. Erizen looked at him.

"Uh... daddy? That's from Tundarr the Barbarian. I'm pretty sure it's copyrighted, too." She smiled, taking it off.

"Oh... yea... you're right. Sorry 'bout that. Take three." He took the sword and ran back into his room one more time. This time he spent somewhere in the vicinity of ten minutes in his room.

"Wow. Daddy's going all out."

"Hey, Erizen! How are you this morning?" Dwayna's voice came. She smiled and sat down next to her on the couch. She slung her arm around her and leaned over. "I'm still tired.. so just ignore me, alright?" She closed her eyes and began dozing off on her shoulder. Erizen looked over at Melandru, who was sitting on the other side of her.

"Uh... Dwayna? That's my niece." She spoke flatly. There was a bit of a delay, before Dwayna reacted, pulling her hand back.

"BWAH! Sorry." She looked at Erizen. "I remember you speaking fondly of Erizen, but... you're niece? That's not right. Especially that comment you made a while ago about her nice rack..." She read Melandru's glare. She was repeatedly drawing her finger across her own neck, mouthing 'Exnay! Exnay!' "Rack...et ball skills! Yea, you're nice racket ball skills!" She smiled. "Yea, you're Aunt told me all about your mad racket ball skills, Erizen. You were all like 'PAH!' and all like 'PUTAH!' at the tournament a year ago!" Her grin only widened. Erizen's glare migrated from Dwayna to Melandru, then back. Her hand slapped her forehead.

"Mother wanted me to be a Monk. SOOOOOOOO glad I listened to daddy..." She muttered.

"Speaking of which, where is your mother?" Dwayna asked. Erizen looked up.

"She lives in Hyrule. Daddy had a bit of a one night stand with a chick named Nayru. Ask him for details."

"For the last time, honey! It wasn't a one-night stand! She left me!" Grenth's voice came from the top of the stairs. He walked down rather gracefully, swinging a very well balanced sword in his hand. It looked exactly like her old one, but the blade was barbed at the base, and acid dripped from the blade. A chain dangled from the bottom of the hilt. On the end of the chain was a small metal relief of a blood drop. He got on his knee and presented his daughter with the sword. "There you go, Princess. You're sword. Copyright-Proof."

"Oooh! Pretty! What does it have?!" She asked, looking it over.

"I doubled the power of the Sundering and Fortitude mods. That beast'll cut through forty percent of an enemy's armor, and keep you going for even longer. Not to mention the relief. That ups the power of any Blood Magic related skills you use. And I know you love your Blood Magic, sweety." He smiled. "Oh, and the Barbed Sword Base will cut them deeper, dealing an automatic double the pain to anything you hit. Not to mention searing the very flesh off they're bones with an added Acid damage. Oh, and don't worry about the acid, it won't hurt anything that means you no harm. Or anything inorganic." He smiled. Erizen's grin widened.

"So... Sundering Hilt..." She began.

"_Legendary _Sundering Sword Hilt." Grenth corrected her.

"Legendary Sundering Sword Hilt... Legendary Fortitude Pommel..." She trailed off, at a loss.

"Relief of Blood Magic, Barbed Sword Base, and an Acidic Sword Gem." He finished. Erizen, almost as if springloaded, jumped off the couch and hugged her father.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH, DADDY!" She shouted.

"HALL OF HEROES! TRYING TO WATCH! QUIET DOWN!" Balthazaar shouted from the chair in front of the TV. Grenth spun around and gave him a firm showing of his middle finger.

"I'm glad you like it, honey." He replied, returning the hug.

"Who wants pizza?" Kouga's voice came.

"ME!" Everyone shouted, except for Balthazaar. They all piled into the kitchen.

-End-

SPEAKING OF THE MUSES!

Xenolord: Ah, the best chapter yet, in my opinion.

Balthazaar: Meh. Two was better.

Grenth: What's with the sword?

Xenolord: That's my subtle suggestion for mods. I've included what the mods would do... hint, hint, Anet.

Abbadon: Dude! What gives! I had like... three lines!

Xenolord: Next episode is all about you, dude. Don't worry.

Abbadon: And another thing. Who was that on the other end of the phone?

Xenolord: I'll give you a hint. Her name begins with the letter two away from the first letter of my name.

Abbadon: A... B... C...

Dwayna: 'Nice Racket Ball'?

Xenolord: Nice recover.

Abbadon: J... K... L... M... N... O...P...

Xenolord: Dude. Just go from X, and go back tow.

Abbadon: X... W... V... I don't know anyone whose name begins with V, dude.

Xenolord: Yes you do, douche! Varesh!

Abbadon: Oh, right.

Grenth: Hehe...

Melandru: Can I get a taco, Xeno?

Xenolord: Yealright. I could go for one. Hey Abbadon, if you get Melandru and I a taco, you'll be in the next one almost exclusively.

Abbadon: DONE AND DONE! Runs off to get a couple of tacos.

Melandru: Hehe. Tacos are awesome!

Xenolord: Anyone from ANet out there, here is the full list of the mods I added, and what they do: Acidic Sword Gem (Adds acid damage to attacks), Legendary Sundering Sword Hilt (40 Chance to deal 40 Armor Penetration.) Legendary Fortitude Sword Pommel (+60 Health) Barbed Sword Base (Increases damage from weapon by one level. Increases Max Damage to 22-27) Relief of Blood Magic (+3 to Blood Magic Stat) Hint, hint. .


	5. Dude!

Disclaimer: . Hehe. Fun times!

Author's Note: I need something funny after the events of today, so as of now, this entire episode is dedicated to everyone's favorite God. ABBADON! And yes, as a side note, I DO have World of Warcraft, and yes, the afformentioned Night Elf, is my character.

Dude!

The alarm clock was by far, the worst thing Abbadon had bought when he was evicted from his old house. Sure, he had his bed, his dresser, all those things. But that alarm clock! God, it's the most annoying thing you can EVER HEAR.

"Really, really need to get rid of that alarm clock, dude..." Abbadon muttered sitting up in bed. He fumbled around on the dresser looking for the snooze button. He finally found it after knocking his Balljoint Doll off the dresser, sending her for a dive to the floor below. "Oh, sorry about that, dude..." He picked her up and set her back on the edge.

Abbadon got out of bed and walked into the kitchen. Usually a shower would proceed breakfast, but he was feeling more hungry then dirty, so food took top priority. He got everything together that he needed. Cheese, Hamburger, some salsa... and a cooked shell.

"Hehe!" He smiled, after compiling his ingredients. "Tacos are awesome! Hehe." He proceeded to consume the taco he had made, then went off for a shower.

Thinking up ways to harass his former roommates was a very sweaty job, especially when it came to actually doing the things, which usually involved painting obscenities on the side of their house, or blowing their mail box up with cooking oil and gunpowder. He enjoyed his daily showers, washing the grime from his body.

His shower finished and his frame clean, he proceeded back to the kitchen, where he began to devise what to do today. He sat down and drew up a sheet of paper and began brainstorming. (What? It's hard thinking up new material. Just ask any comedian of any caliber.) He sat blank faced, staring at a piece of white graph paper, before the idea finally came to him. They were gonna love this!

-Dwayna's House. Exterior.-

He smiled at his handywork. This was enough to make even him cry with joy. His other pranks paled in comparison to this one. The sun was beginning to peek over the horizon now, and the others would be awake any moment now. He couldn't wait to see their faces. Sure, ninety percent of all his pranks, he ended up fixing, but the plus side, and only advantage, was seeing Grenth's face get all hot and red when he was mad. So funny. Instead of doing some side-slandering image on the _side_ of the house, he decided a direct assault on the occupants was in order. A direct assault drawn on the garage door with a Shapee Permanent Marker!

His masterpiece was a very well drawn picture of Grenth getting his groove on with Melandru (Who, if we remember from the previous chapter, are siblings.) He smiled at the very erotic, and possibly psychologically damaging photo he had skillfully drawn. As was his tradition, he pulled out a small digital camera and snapped a picture of it before re pocketing it.

"They'll have to live the rest of their lives with the friggin' garage door open! Abbadon, dude!" He snapped his fingers and pointed left with both hands. "You're a genious!" He then began waving his hands before his torso with his eyes closed. "Oh, no. Not me, dude! You're the artistic one in the family! All credit goes to you by far, dude!" He pointed left with both hands. "Why thank you dude! So nice a ya! You want a taco to celebrate?" His fingers pointed right again. "Hehe! Tacos are awesome!" He then proceeded to go back home, with a certain satisfaction in his step.

-An Hour Later.-

He felt it. That slight twinge at the back of his head. They were about to find his masterpiece, he could tell it. He had to get over their to appear when they got mad. He slinked out of the house and managed to squeeze down the chimney about half way. He could hear their voices.

"Uh... Grenth? Can I make a suggestion?" Came the voice of Lyssa from below.

"Yea, sure. Shoot."

"Don't look at the garage door." Grenth laughed at this.

"Why? Does it have some embarrassing picture of Melandru in a compromising position? Oh, this I gotta see..." After the sounds of footsteps, he heard the door open and close twice.

"Hey! MELANDRU! Oh, me, this is gonna destroy her." Seconds past before the sound of a door being flung open with great force could be heard below, followed by the distinct sound of a dam exploding, sending a tsunami-worth of water down upon a small, unsuspecting coal mining community at the foot of the dam. There came the sound of footsteps taking a set of stairs five at a time, followed by annother door slamming, this one, shut. "Uh... Mel?"

"Holy Jesus..." Grenth was heard muttering. "For the love of my sister, who could have done something so... so low? I mean, I know it's a prank, but... Melandru? Damn, I've never seen her so distraught since... since... shit, never! I've never seen her like this! It's depressing. What kind of heartless bastard would have done that? Surely not Abbadon. I mean, a prankster, yes. Abbadon's a prankster. But a blackmailer and a sick SOB, no. I just don't see Abbadon doing this. Besides, that was way too good. Abbadon doesn't draw that good. Nope, definitely not Abbadon."

"Ah, shit, dude..." Abbadon muttered to himself. "Talk about being stuck in a moral crisis..."

"Wanna see if it really is him?" Balthazaar asked. There came a pause. "ABBADON!" Balthazaar called. Smiling, Abbadon slipped down the chimney, into the fireplace below.

"You call me, dudes?!" He asked, after coming a stop at the bottom.

"Yea. Who in the living state of fuck drew that picture on the garage door? Did you?" Grenth began. "Because if you did, let me tell you right now, Melandru is devastated. She's in her room, crying her fucking eyes out! She'll never let herself be seen out in public anymore! And let me tell you right now, douche bag. If you DID draw that, there is no where safe, no where far enough away that you can run, which will spare you from my wrath. You know that, right?"

"Of course, dude! But, hey! I'm a prank kinda guy. I don't do erotic and possibly psychologically damaging photos drawn on the garage, mkay? It's just not my thing, dude." He was lying, but the repurcussions of this went farther then he thought it would. He had to run damage control. "But, on that note, I did snap a picture of it." Grenth's face went red. "For when you go to get a new door. Physical proof. Those garage door tyrants won't believe word of mouth. Trust me, my intentions are sincere. I saw what it was, and I am truly sorry Melandru had to see it. Can I apologize to her?"

"Why the hell do you want to apologize to her, if you didn't fuckin' do it?" Balthazaar questioned. Abbadon smiled.

"Because, dude! It's the right thing to do. I'm not a heartless bastard ALL the time, ya know!" He smiled. Grenth rolled his head.

"Yea, I suppose an apology from you would make a difference. Even if you didn't do it."

"I actually got up a little later then usual. I had a prank in mind, but after I saw that, I thought 'Oh, fuck that, dude! They don't need more shit!' so I hid in the chimney, hoping ya'll wouldn't blame me." Abbadon spoke as Grenth led him up to Melandru's room. Even through the oaken door, Abbadon could hear Melandru's sobbing.

"Mel?" Grenth asked softly. "Mel, visitor for you." He began.

"Go away! I can't be seen in public again!" Was her response. Grenth sighed.

"Look, sis, it's Abbadon. He's here to..." Before he finished the sentence, the door flung open and Melandru launched herself out like a bat out of hell, right onto Abbadon, hands around his neck. It was one of those double edged swords everyone talks about. Sure, Abbadon was getting the life squeezed out of him by a homicidal tree lady with a plant fetish, but damn, did he have a nice shot of her boobs from there. "SIS! MEL! MELANDRU! ABBADON DIDN'T DO IT!" Grenth shouted, trying to pry her off. After several seconds, he did manage to pull his sister off Abbadon. "Sorry about that, Abbadon. She's just not in the best mood right now."

"Sokay, dude. I'm okay with pretty girls strangling the crap outta me. It's okay, dude, really." Abbadon muttered rubbing his neck. There were two red outlines of hands on his neck. "Hey, maybe a joke'll cheer you up, dude!" Abbadon smiled. Melandru looked up.

"Well... I suppose coming from you it have to be funny. Okay, why not?"

"Okay, there's three guys, right? A... well, two guys and a skeleton, really. So these two guys and a skeleton are walkin... wait... it's more like a guy... a Charr... and a skeleton. Okay, so this guy, this skeleton, and this Charr are walkin' down the beach, right? And they run across a bottle. Being the adventurous sort, the guy pops the cap and out comes a Djinni. So this Djinni says 'You have freed me, dudes! I shall grant you all a wish!' so the skeleton looks at the Djinni for a second and says, 'Okay, I want all of my Undead Friends in Kryta to have eternal rest!' So, poof, the Djinni gives all the Undead in Kryta eternal rest. So, the Charr comes up and says 'I want all my homies in da hood to have a pad of their own to shack up in!' and poof, the Charr disappears. The Djinni turns to the guy and asks, ya know, what do you want? And the guy looks around and says 'Ya mean all the Charr and Undead are gone?' and the Djinni nods. The guy smiles and says 'Well, I'll have a soda then.'" Melandru got it first, cracking up almost instantly.

"That was pretty good." Grenth agreed.

"So... you didn't draw that on the door?" Melandru asked. Abbadon shook his head and smiled.

"Na. I may be crazy, dude! I may be insane! I may be a LOT of things, dude, but suicidal is not one." Grenth laughed a little.

"Yea."

"Problem solved!" Dwayna shouted from below.

"How's that?!" Grenth asked.

"Get your undead ass down here, and I'll explain!" Grumbling, Grenth, Melandru and Abbadon decended the stairs. Within the living room was a very wired Kouga Wolfwalker crouched over the disassembled parts of the garage door.

"What's he doing, dude?" Abbadon whispered to Dwayna.

"Ssh. Setting Traps." She replied. Kouga stood and cracked his back.

"Alright Gods and Goddesses! Prepair to see a FEAT OF TRAPPING skills!"

"Why was 'Feat of Trapping' in capital letters, but skills was lowercased?" Abbadon continued to ask.

"Makes it sound more... fancy." Kouga replied. He took a rock from his pocket and tossed it on the parts. The entire garage door exploded into a small, area-of-effect nuclear explosion, followed by a set of seven smaller, but equally cool explosions, then a brilliant, bright flash, followed by a final, pop. Kouga smiled. "Oh, yea. Thermo-Nuclear-ish. Very snazzy." He flashed a thumbs up.

"What friggin' trap was that, dude?!" Abbadon asked. Kouga grinned.

"Aspect Trap of Friggin' Pwnage."

"What does it do." Melandru asked. Kouga pulled a stack of eight cards from his pocket, and rifled through them.

""Barrage"..." He changed cards. " "Charm Animal"..." He changed cards again. " "Comfort Animal"..." Another card change. " "Rebirth"... AH! Here it is! "Aspect Trap of Friggin' Pwnage"! Letame see... Casting Time two seconds... Energy Cost fifteen... Recast Time fifteen seconds..." He cleared his throat. "'Set the Aspect Trap of Friggin' Pwnage at your current location. While setting this trap, you are completely friggin' invincible. When friggin' anything touches this trap, it explodes, setting off a really snazzy explosion, followed by other somewhat snazzy explosions, and then a slight pop. Targets within the vicinity, provided they survive, are crippled, poisoned, weakened, knocked over, bleeding, and suffer from a Deep Wound. Then they die. Sucks to be them.'" He smiled, and pocketed the cards. "Yes... sucks to be them indeed. Sucks to be them." He smiled.

"Nice." Everyone in the room echoed.

"Yep." Kouga jammed his hands on his hips and smiled. "That door is no more."

"Knocka knocka Tyrian peoples!" A voice came from the door. "Gots a door for yas! Where do you wants it!" That was the unmistakable voice of Sheogorath from next door.

"Just leave it out front. Or... hook it up if you can."

"Done and done! Nice doin' bidness with you!" He left.

"Wierd... weird dude, dude." Abbadon muttered.

"Well, everything's fine. Nothing can go wrong today!" Grenth smiled.

"Daddy! Good news!"

"Heya, sweety. What's up?" Grenth addressed his daughter. "And... uh... who's the Elf?"

"Oh, come on, Daddy! Don't you see the resemblence?!" Erizen and the Elf, born of obvious Night Elf descent, smiled, standing shoulder-to-shoulder. Grenth stared at them scrutinizingly.

"Oh. My. Ex. Girlfriend! You look just like... Nooooo! Nice try, sweety. I can tell my own spawn apart from others. Besides. She's obviously not Tyrian. Obviously."

"You're right. She's from Azeroth."

"Noooooo... I see more of Elune in you then me!" He paused. "Ah, cripes... Elune?!" His jaw dropped.

"You will explain this now." Melandru stated, standing before Grenth, blocking his escape.

"Ya see... I ...HOOPA!" He tried running another way, which Lyssa blocked.

"No good." She droned.

"Uh... yea... about that... LOOK ALIVE!" He darted off another direction, which Dwayna blocked.

"Try again."

"Right. Take two THINK FAST!" He tried darting again, but Kouga blocked him. "HA! You think you have me! But there's one fatal flaw to your plan! There's only FOUR of you to block me! And I have a..." He turned to make his escape, which Balthazaar blocked. "Oh NOW he decides to move! For the love of ME!" He sighed. "What do you people WANT?!"

"Explain this now!" Dwayna stated.

"What's to explain? She's not mine, Dwayna, I swear!"

"Don't. It's bad for you."

"Okay, here's the truth. I was taking a plane from Tyria to the Void to play some craps with my buddy The'Gailan. But, unfortunately, my flight was delayed in Azeroth, and they said that I could take the next flight, which was like in a week. So there I was, trapped at the Azeroth Airport, pissed, broke, tired, and probably somewhere between piss-ass drunk and drunk clean out of my freakin' mind to high heaven."

"Wait..." Dwayna started. "If you were broke... how did you get drunk?"

"How the hell do you think I GOT broke to begin with?"

"AH." Everyone echoed.

"So, here's me, drunk and pissed sitting at the bar. So I hear foot steps behind me, and I think police, coming to ruin me fun. I spin around, mind you my vision is swimming something fierce. Then I hear this really sexy voice say "Ishnu-alah". I turn around, and there's this really smokin', and when I say smokin', I mean SA-MOKIN' hot Night Elf behind me. She sits down, we start talking, half the shit we talk about I don't remember, partially because I was so fuckin' hammered, and partially because I don't think my eyes left her chest the whole night. But anyways, to make a long story short, we kinda hit it off. Turns out her name was Elune. Nice girl, bit frisky, but nice girl none the less. So, she takes me back to her apartment, and... yea..."

"Same story with mother!" Erizen muttered. Grenth nodded.

"As far as where Elune is now, I dunno. So, what's your name, girl?"

"Serras." The Night Elf answered. Grenth muttered.

"Yep. You're Elune's kid. Sound exactly the same." Grenth smiled. "Fine, ya know what. I'll take you in. Just kinda... ya know, get with your sister and ya know... catch up."

"Hey dude! Don't leave us out! Introduce us, Dude!" Abbadon smiled. He shuffled over to Serras. "More importantly, dude..." He wispered. "How old are you, Serras?"

"Thirty Five." Serras responded.

"No shit. I would have said eighteen."

"Hey. Abbadon. Don't you hit on EITHER of my little girls."

"Yea, yea, yea, icy, blood curdling death, dude! Heard you the first five times I tried to get into Erizen's pants. Heard ya, dude." He walked off.


End file.
